Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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