i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
