I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
