That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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