So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
