theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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