every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
