Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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