I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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