didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
