its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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