I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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