and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
