Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't deserve a penis
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
