Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
