is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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