new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
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We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
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I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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