Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
