Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
