so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
