she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
