I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
