He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
