Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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