Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
