if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
