good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
