On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
