Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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