Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
