Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
