At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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