The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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