Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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