you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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