if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
