what day is it and did you see me today?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I deserve this hangover.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
