I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
