shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
