I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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