So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
