the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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