someone threw a dead crab at me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize