Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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