barbara walters just said penis...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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