He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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