Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
