I accidentally had phone sex last night
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
