im six kinds of drunk right now
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
