I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
