I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
