Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
