dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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