p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
