and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
