Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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