you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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