and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
