I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
