U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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