Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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